Fact &Fantasy 6
this section is:
a mish-mash of subjects, sources, fonts, pitches ············to be taken SERIOUSLY, lightly or otherwise.



Some intriguing new definitions:
1) sneak army attacks: pre-emptive self-defense
2) a plane crash: the involuntary conversion of a 727
3) tax increase: revenue enhancement
4) cigarette: an NDD - nicotine delivery device
5) the Arctic: the last great testing ground for Timberland products

Minding your Ps and Qs: In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. Thus "mind your Ps and Qs".

Does anyone know where to get the map entitled ARE YOU SAFE WHERE YOU LIVE? It is produced by a commercial company. It researches cities and towns for people who are looking for a new place to live. The map highlights various hazards in each state:
YELLOW SYMBOLS mark nuclear reactors
GREEN ASTERISKS mark hazardous waste sites
RED, OCHRE and BROWN DOTS mark prisons
EMPTY CIRCLES mark sites of earthquakes
PURPLE NUMBERS: state cancer mortality rate per 100,000 population
GREEN DOTS WITH SUNS mark power vortices and ancient sanctuaries

The cost of dismantling and cleaning up the Dounreay nuclear plant in Caithness, Scotland, will be £4.5 billion, about £90 for every person in Britain. (The Guardian Weekly)

My Client Has Nothing to Say, Your Honor: Japanese attorneys can now file suit on behalf of animals, giving environmentalists a new tool in the ongoing battle against unfettered development. ... lawyers representing the endangered Amani rabbit sued to stop two golf course developments ... more recent cases involved a family of bean geese and a coalition of foxes. And yes, the attorneys all worked pro bono. (Utne Reader)

Food

1) The Canadian government approved the meat-processing industry's request to use iron oxide (also known as "rust") instead of caramel to decorate Black Forest ham. According to the industry, rust is cheaper and binds better to the ham and health officials insisted that rust is safe for human consumption. (The Funny Times)

2) On the menu in an Uganda hotel: "Breakfast: We Have Fried Eggs But No Scrambled Eggs Because Dry Egg Powder Failed To Come."

3) According to a Boston Globe story, upper crust restaurants in New York and Boston have taken to adding genuine gold flakes to some dishes, not merely as a garnish but with the expectation that they be eaten. Boston's Riba restaurant offered "risotto of summer's golden squashes with leaf of 24-carat gold." The owner said, "It's so thin and weightless that by the time you eat it, it's gonzo." She added, "There's a feeling of plenty around. People are feeling rich."

Love, Sex, Gender, Marriage

1) A 25-year-old Teheran transsexual who had just become a woman said he wants to change back after realizing just how poorly women are treated in Iran.

2) HEALTH warnings are to be sewn into men's underpants in an innovative attempt to combat male reluctance to discuss intimate problems.

3) DEEP SEA ANGLER FISH: When young, a male is somewhat smaller than a female but otherwise not very different from her. If he succeeds in locating a female, he attaches himself by his jaws to her body, close to her genital opening. Then he slowly degenerates, more than a bag, producing sperm. He will continue fertilizing her eggs for the rest of her life. He has taken advantage of his one sexual encounter to the fullest. (Living Planet, David Attenborough)

4) "I'm in favour of love as long as it doesn't happen when The Simpsons are on television." (Anita, age 6)

5) HONEYMOON: It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar-based, this period was called the "honey month" or what we know today as the "honeymoon."

6) SOFT NEWS vs HARD NEWS: Despite almost 30 years of newspeak nods to feminist complaints, these not-news experiences still fall into traditionally pastel pastures of "women's news" also known as "soft news". This domestic category is about love (which includes, as we all know, the full range of human passions). Real news, hard news, which is men's news, is about war - winning at power, money, politics. Being ghettoized diminishes both spheres. (Does anyone know where this quote came from? It was sent to me.)

Laws

IN CLEVELAND, OHIO, - it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license
IN ARKANSAS - it's illegal for the Arkansas River to rise higher than the Main Street Bridge in Little Rock
IN DEVON, CONNECTICUT - it's illegal to walk backwards after sunset
IN JONESBORO, GEORGIA - it's illegal to say, "Oh boy!"
IN ZION, ILLINOIS - it's illegal to give cigars to cats or dogs
IN FRANKFORT, KENTUCKY - it's illegal to shoot off a policeman's tie
IN LEXINGTON, KENTUCKY - it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket
IN BEXLEY, OHIO - it's illegal to put a slot machine in an outhouse
IN HARTHAHORNE, OKLAHOMA - it's illegal to put a hypnotized person in a display window
IN UTAH - it's against the law to fish from horseback
IN WILBUR, WASHINGTON - it's illegal to ride an ugly horse

Music

Music is everything and nothing. It is useless and no limit can be set on its use. Music takes me to places of illimitable sensual and insensate joy, accessing points of ecstasy that no angelic lover could ever locate, or plunging me into gibbering, weeping hells of pain that no torturer could ever devise. Music makes me write this sort of maundering adolescent nonsense without embarrassment. Music is in fact the dog's bollocks. Nothing else comes close. (Stephen Fry, Moab is my Washpot)

 

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